Sometimes, It’s All About Love

 

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photograph by diah dharmawan

 
In a night like this
When drinking tea intoxicates a sober mind
I know I’m in trouble

Full moon it was, so many nights ago
Yet the luminescence is still out there
Glaring away its grandeur

I have nothing better to do
Than to think about you
Only to realize that I haven’t been doing that for a while

Kinda rusty
Doing this thing I call reminiscing
But I do it anyway

Kinda astonishing
Knowing that I do miss you
In many ways

And I only want to say this
Good night, my love

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As Everything Flows

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Behind the veils intoxicated with love, I too dance the rhythm of this moving world”         -RUMI

 

When the night falls

In the absence of the bustling of life

Stillness pervades

But yet something is flowing

As boundaries begin to vanish

Fabricating into matrix of existence

And when the ground disintegrates

Crumbling into million of pieces

I think I see the moon

But maybe only its reflection

Dancing on the face of the water

Summoning whoever passing by

When the light begins to dim

Hanging to its one last breath

Darkness creeps in, compelling it to cave in

Everything turns black

And as everything flows

So it is

Surrender

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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. – Rumi-

 

Only today I know what surrendering feels like for me. I used to think that to surrender is to believe that whatever happens is for the best. Leave it at that and move on, next.

And not until I am faced with great difficulty, only then I come to realize that I haven’t been doing any surrendering at all. All I did was to take the easy way out and hoping that it would turn out the best it could.

I was somehow taking life for granted, did what I thought was right and made decision based on what I liked and disliked. I was so much in control. Only later that I became conscious of the fact that to surrender, it requires the absence of control.

To surrender, we have to let go of the driver seat to life, sit on the passenger seat and enjoy the ride, like it or not, we have to learn how to bask in the view in front of us. The bump, the crash, the smash into, the run into as well as the charm, the magnificence, the loveliness and the blessing.

When we start to glide with life, the right thing and the right people start to appear in our life. For me, it was my attraction to take the iRest Yoga Nidra training. At least two things I learned from the course if not too many, to allow and to welcome every single thing and every single person who comes our way. And every single situation in our life. Be it hard, easy, impossible or enjoyable.

And yet, I was not there yet. I long to be in that state of complete surrender and I know something was still missing. There was still something I did not get. I have been practicing the allowing and welcoming, day and night, everyday.

And one day, which is today, I feel something so surreal, it was unearthly. But I know this is what absolute surrender feels like. It is the shiver running through my body, the tingling, the buzzing, radiantly shining out and in, up and down, front and back.  It is like I finally let go of myself and just be.

 

It is just like what Rumi said: “ When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.

Every Now and Then

Every now and then

I encounter this unknown feeling

It is so strange, it is bizarre

Yet presumptuous, it is common

So real

I think it comes from right inside my chest

In my dominion

I can feel a tingle of thrill

Buzzing under my skin

Marking its presence with a buoy

Raising me up above

The way red wine does

Carrying me high, slightly beyond this world

I wonder

If it would go on being this way

Probably morphing into 3D reflection

Something I can see

Maybe touch