I Am a Peacock Today

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A gorgeous splashy watercolor painting by artist Dean Crouser

I refuse to be a puppet today
Nor a victim of the bad-mannered
I choose to open my heart
Although it is broken
Notwithstanding the fact
That I am hurting

I am a lotus today
Growing from the mud
Welcoming the sun
To shine on me
So I can bloom
And make the mud proud

I refuse to become bitter today
No matter what
I choose to see the beauty
Although sullenness is all I have
Guarding myself
From being swallowed alive

I am a peacock today
Having a solitary day
Basking from on top of the roof
Watching life goes by
Dreaming of one day to fly far away
But I am a peacock today

I refuse to become smaller today
While all around me is forcing me to
I choose to keep on expanding
Where space is illusion
And periphery is unseen
Center is disappearing

I am the moon tonight
Never fail to show up
Sometimes the clouds envelope me
With their ever soft shadow
But I am here every night
Paying my homage

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WENT UNDER

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A reflection of darkness in down under, an almost evening sky in Jakarta

How does a part of the world leave the world? How can wetness leave water?  RUMI

 

I went under
Deeper than I’ve been
Made a deal with darkness
To see what the shadows would cast

The darkness asked
If I was sure
If I really wanted to see
And I said yes

As I faced my fear and felt my pain
That was when I met the dark side of me
As I shook hands with it
The bitterness lingered

Not knowing how to end it
I did what I thought was best
I indulged it, welcomed it
I owned it

Almost at the end, down under
At the brink of despair
I felt something very familiar
It was pain that belongs to all of us

Breaking down
I wept for me
I wept for you
I wept for us

What Love Could Really Means

 

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Saturday Afternoon at Arcadia Arboretum

Even after all this time the Sun never says to the Earth,”You owe me.”  Look what happens
with a love like that, it lights the whole sky.”  Hafiz

 

I am beginning to understand
I think, maybe
What love could mean

It is that warm fuzzy feeling in me
When I let my mind wanders
And thinks about million things at once

It is when I see a star at the dawn of day
Thinking and wondering if it is real 
Or it is just a trick my eyes decide to play on me

Sometimes, when what I want most
Is to spend time with the sun
Basking in its glory and majesty

Or it is when I am humming a love song
Thinking that it's so cheesy
But do it anyway

I am beginning to understand
Whatever meaning we give to love
Could it really be?

I Guess It Doesn’t Matter

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The Sky of Turki, a photograph by Ayda Sulianti

 

Waking up with that same old feeling

As presumptuous as the sound of my heart beating

Only it isn’t that, it is my past knocking

Peeping to steal my peace

The harder I try to ignore them

The louder the sound becomes

Echoing deep into my whole being

As the dark lingering smoke started to enfold my common sense

As if bundling me up for a sacrifice

Panic crept in, inches by inches

I could feel the pricking

Stung me frozen

Is it a dream? But why am I still here?

Floating nonsense, tormented with no pain

Broken hearted with no grief

Is it real? Is it me lugging this body?

Why everything moves in slow motion?

As if trying to photograph every details

Every move, every emotion

Million pieces of puzzle appearing out of nowhere

Takes me a while to see

They are pieces of my memories

Or are they scenes of never ending drama?

Are they mine?

This mosaic we called love

Or should we call it illusion?

Drawing me closer

So close, I am blinded

To the edge of self deception

Luring me to give in

Enticing me to surrender

I am sinking deep into the earth

I am flying, soaring into the sky

Which one is real?

Is it a dream?

I guess it doesn’t matter

Image/photograph is by Ayda Sulianti.  For more of her works, follow her Instagram @aydasulianti

Love Affair Between A Bird And A Lotus

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Jakarta, a photograph by Andi Imamayanti

Oblivious to the existence of each other
Yet the attraction is so alluring
Two entirely different things
Yet seems to fill each other in

Million others bustling around 
As if trying to distract them
From what is
From what it isn't

The smoke-filled air
As grey as it can get
As if trying to camouflage itself
To hide the charm it once had

When the ray of sun glowing
Sending warmth and as if reminding
Of its never broken promise
Undying love like no other

One afternoon
One love affair
As transient as it is honest
Between a bird and a lotus

 





Through a glass, darkly

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Standing near the window; covered with dark glass.
Glimpses and blurred images of what’s inside.
Meanwhile; the world outside is beckoning.
Enticing the senses with colors, fragrance, sunny days, breeze.
I want to see what’s inside, but I also want run to the world outside.

Standing near the window; covered with dark glass.
Glimpses and blurred images of what’s inside.
Icy winter days and it’s storming outside.
The world is grey, freezing, numbing, cold.
I want to see what’s inside, there’s nothing to see outside.

Standing near the window; covered with dark glass.
Rubbed clean the glass from the outside, clearer glimpse of what’s inside.
Inside feels like home, cozy fireplace and a warm cup of tea.
It’s spring and the world is again full of colors, sunlight, fragrance.
I want to come in to the unchanging inside, the outside changes all the time.

Standing near the window; covered with dark glass.
Been looking inside for so long my sight adjusted to the dark.
Now I notice there’s someone inside, looking back at me.
Calling out to me, showing me the way in, there’s a door I didn’t see all this while.
I opened the door and come inside;

I’m home.

Note: I knew the phrase “Through a glass, darkly” from Jostein Gaarder’s book title. Only much later I found out that it is a biblical phrase from 1 Corinthians 13:12. (KJV: For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.)

This is one of my first attempt writing something that resembles poetry, originally posted on my blog 

Image credit: Shelby U

Cloudless Sky

Samawa

Samawa Beach, Indonesia, a photograph by Ayda Sulianti

What gives form to the world, has no form of its own. – Rumi-

 

It’s been few hours

Since I watched the sun rising

But the sky remains cloudless

 

Wonder how it feels like

Up there, looking down

So close yet never be

 

Has the sky plotting against us

In the game of hide and seek

With nothing to look for

 

It reminds me of that day

When the weight of hopelessness

Trembled me to the bone

 

The only way was to sink

Like a cruise liner

Sent down to the heart of the ocean

 

Oblivious to the commotion

In the absence of judgment

The sky was cloudless

Unknown Land

Dance

One Winter Evening at Jackson Hole, USA

One dark night

At the ocean

When the wave rhythmically moves

Seducing the wind

To choreograph a dance

Bestowed upon those

Who have lost their love

In the wilderness

Of own creation

Maybe upon those

Who have lost pieces of their broken hearts

On an unknown land

Where imagination lives

And upon those

Who have anchored their hearts

At the bottom of the sea

Where dream ends

Without

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One Winter Afternoon at the Brahma Kumaris Center in Frankston, Australia

When the moon spells out your name
How do I pronounce it without missing you?
Must be the emptiness in me
The one that stings
Thinking of you, not knowing where you are

When the clouds illustrate your face
How do I look at you without whispering your name?
Must be the longing I can’t explain
The kind that stays
Wanting you, not knowing if you feel the same way

When I think mirror doesn’t lie
How does it reflect you when I look into it?
Must be the magic that draws me
The spell that binds
Bound me to eternity, until the day I find the wand

And when the wind sings your tune
How do I keep myself from bestowing a serenade upon you?
Must be the melody that muddles me
The kind that strains the heart
Imprisoned me, hold me captive
Without you

Sometimes, It’s All About Love

 

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photograph by diah dharmawan

 
In a night like this
When drinking tea intoxicates a sober mind
I know I’m in trouble

Full moon it was, so many nights ago
Yet the luminescence is still out there
Glaring away its grandeur

I have nothing better to do
Than to think about you
Only to realize that I haven’t been doing that for a while

Kinda rusty
Doing this thing I call reminiscing
But I do it anyway

Kinda astonishing
Knowing that I do miss you
In many ways

And I only want to say this
Good night, my love