What Love Could Really Means



Saturday Afternoon at Arcadia Arboretum

Even after all this time the Sun never says to the Earth,”You owe me.”  Look what happens
with a love like that, it lights the whole sky.”  Hafiz


I am beginning to understand
I think, maybe
What love could mean

It is that warm fuzzy feeling in me
When I let my mind wanders
And thinks about million things at once

It is when I see a star at the dawn of day
Thinking and wondering if it is real 
Or it is just a trick my eyes decide to play on me

Sometimes, when what I want most
Is to spend time with the sun
Basking in its glory and majesty

Or it is when I am humming a love song
Thinking that it's so cheesy
But do it anyway

I am beginning to understand
Whatever meaning we give to love
Could it really be?


Stillness & Clarity


Sandy Bay Golden Hour by Eugen Naiman

If there is no stillness, there is no silence.
If there is no silence, there is no insight.
If there is no insight, there is no clarity.

~ Tenzin Priyadarshi

Previous post: Mind Like Still Water

Stillness is when there are the feeling of calm, peace, grounded-ness, the sense of firmness, earthed, stable, unshakeable. At the beginning this stillness is achieved by becoming physically still (eg seated meditation). As one get more used to it we can have stillness in motion (eg walking meditation, focused movement like taichi, yoga etc, or even during running/swimming/knitting/cooking).

Clarity is the result of stillness. Imagine a glass full of muddy water. Without stillness, the mud will not settle down and the water will never become clear. When the glass is placed down and left to be still for a while, the mud will settle down to the bottom and water will clear up and we can see through the water. Another analogy that is more high-tech: imagine trying to take a picture while we’re in a moving car on a bumpy road. Unless the camera has very fast shutter speed, the resulting picture will be blurred. We have to be holding the camera still enough to be able to capture the image clearly.

Why is clarity important?

When there’s clarity, we can see things as they are, without any filter or coloring. Free of perception. Free from conditioning, judgement, assumption, beliefs, hypothesis, expectation, etc.

When we see things as they are, without any filter or coloring, we can better navigate ourself in relation to things. ‘Things’ here cover everything: ourself and everything that is outside ourself (family & friends, other people, relationships, objects, job, career, everything).

Clarity helps us to make the most appropriate decision at any given time. Appropriate decision usually effects the elements in such a way that they become more in harmony with everything else. When there’s harmony, there are less disturbances, less waves. Like a boat in the sea – when there are less waves, the boat will move more smoothly.

Staying with the boat in the sea analogy, there will be waves (or even storm) from time to time, outside of our scope of control. So situation can be rocky and disturbed from time to time – but the more harmony there are, the sooner the waves calm down, the sooner the journey become smooth again.

Image credit: Eugen Naiman


As Everything Flows


Behind the veils intoxicated with love, I too dance the rhythm of this moving world”         -RUMI


When the night falls

In the absence of the bustling of life

Stillness pervades

But yet something is flowing

As boundaries begin to vanish

Fabricating into matrix of existence

And when the ground disintegrates

Crumbling into million of pieces

I think I see the moon

But maybe only its reflection

Dancing on the face of the water

Summoning whoever passing by

When the light begins to dim

Hanging to its one last breath

Darkness creeps in, compelling it to cave in

Everything turns black

And as everything flows

So it is

Wannabe Zen is live!

Definition of wannabe:

one who aspires, often vainly, to emulate another’s success or attain eminence in some area.

Definition of zen:

One way to think of zen is this: a total state of focus that incorporates a total togetherness of body and mind. Zen is a way of being. It also is a state of mind. Zen involves dropping illusion and seeing things without distortion created by your own thoughts.

The description above is from Urban Dictionary.

Merriam-webster dictionary define zen as:

a Japanese sect of Mahayana Buddhism that aims at enlightenment by direct intuition through meditation

Online slang dictionary entry on zen:

to be at peace… back to wholeness, so to speak.

I like the last one, a simple and direct definition of the word. The word zen can portray many qualities, such as elegant, relaxed, modern, chic, spiritual, practical, among many others. The word has evolved so much that now people say ‘Zen Buddhism’ when they meant the original zen meaning, while zen on it’s own have much wider contemporary usage.

Wannabe Zen means aspiring to be at peace, aspiring to go back to wholeness.

I originally thought Wannabe Zen as a brand name for my yoga-related business (see about WBZ page), but since the beginning I haven’t clearly defined anything for it. I just liked the term because I thought it’s catchy. I had a vague idea of Wannabe Zen as a collaborative blog, something like TinyBuddha. I also thought of Wannabe Zen as discussing meaningful things like Brainpickings. I wasn’t sure where to start, almost two years passed and nothing is happening on Wannabe Zen. I have my own personal blog where I write weekly on various topics in somewhat random fashion.

A few days ago Christine messaged me saying “Let’s write a blog together”. I thought what better way to use Wannabe Zen than for this purpose? A collaborative blog about being here now and remembering our true nature. So here it is, Wannabe Zen, live.

Me and Christine will take turns in writing something here once a week. We will share our thoughts about happiness, spirituality, mindful living, self enquiry, love, meaning of life, meditation, etc. We hope you’ll enjoy this website as much as we enjoyed creating it.


Below is a picture of my running race bib for Jakarta Marathon, last Sunday 25 October 2015. I registered and entered the name ‘Sil @ Wannabe Zen’ to be printed on this bib back in April, and never really thought about it again, until last week when I picked it up. I normally use my own name or ‘Running Yogi’ for race bib. Perhaps it was a hunch that Wannabe Zen will come alive this month.