WENT UNDER

A reflection of darkness in down under, an almost evening sky in Jakarta

How does a part of the world leave the world? How can wetness leave water?  RUMI

 

I went under
Deeper than I’ve been
Made a deal with darkness
To see what the shadows would cast

The darkness asked
If I was sure
If I really wanted to see
And I said yes

As I faced my fear and felt my pain
That was when I met the dark side of me
As I shook hands with it
The bitterness lingered

Not knowing how to end it
I did what I thought was best
I indulged it, welcomed it
I owned it

Almost at the end, down under
At the brink of despair
I felt something very familiar
It was pain that belongs to all of us

Breaking down
I wept for me
I wept for you
I wept for us

I Guess It Doesn’t Matter

The Sky of Turki, a photograph by Ayda Sulianti

 

Waking up with that same old feeling

As presumptuous as the sound of my heart beating

Only it isn’t that, it is my past knocking

Peeping to steal my peace

The harder I try to ignore them

The louder the sound becomes

Echoing deep into my whole being

As the dark lingering smoke started to enfold my common sense

As if bundling me up for a sacrifice

Panic crept in, inches by inches

I could feel the pricking

Stung me frozen

Is it a dream? But why am I still here?

Floating nonsense, tormented with no pain

Broken hearted with no grief

Is it real? Is it me lugging this body?

Why everything moves in slow motion?

As if trying to photograph every details

Every move, every emotion

Million pieces of puzzle appearing out of nowhere

Takes me a while to see

They are pieces of my memories

Or are they scenes of never ending drama?

Are they mine?

This mosaic we called love

Or should we call it illusion?

Drawing me closer

So close, I am blinded

To the edge of self deception

Luring me to give in

Enticing me to surrender

I am sinking deep into the earth

I am flying, soaring into the sky

Which one is real?

Is it a dream?

I guess it doesn’t matter

Image/photograph is by Ayda Sulianti.  For more of her works, follow her Instagram @aydasulianti

Unknown Land

One Winter Evening at Jackson Hole, USA

One dark night

At the ocean

When the wave rhythmically moves

Seducing the wind

To choreograph a dance

Bestowed upon those

Who have lost their love

In the wilderness

Of own creation

Maybe upon those

Who have lost pieces of their broken hearts

On an unknown land

Where imagination lives

And upon those

Who have anchored their hearts

At the bottom of the sea

Where dream ends